Iconoclastically yours!

Breaking news: Our good old Planet is counting the years until it gets rid of us!

Iconoclasticallly yours by www.iconoclasticallyyours.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License

Today, I just realized that I missed the gladiolus season. I have the perfect vase for them, and I just missed them. You are really home, or should I say, I am home when I start putting flowers throughout the house.

This morning, I went to purchase some gladiolus… I had a sudden craving for those long stems and scarlet flowers which illuminate the side of my piano. I couldn’t believe I missed their time. I tried to recollect what was so important that I forgot about them, and my mind went blank. I finally settled on sunflowers. You can’t really go wrong with sunflowers even if they don’t have the grace of the gladiolus.

That is one thing I miss from Paris. Going to my flower shop to select my flowers of the week. I rarely settled on roses. Roses are too perfect, too stuck up for me. Give me daisies any day of the year! Or tulips. I love tulips. Some are shy and will stay quiet on one side of the vase, not even wanting to open one petal. And then the next one will blossom, curving her stem and not caring what the others will think, opening her petals to show the delicate or flamboyant colors hidden deep inside her heart. That’s what I call flowers! They don’t give a crap about what their neighbor thinks as they have perfected the art of freedom.

My craving for gladiolus flowers came after I bought the vacuum cleaner of my dreams. No, don’t start there. It doesn’t operate by itself, wandering around. I MAKE it wander around. For once, an advertisement was for real: the vacuum cleaner, roommate of your dogs! No crap! That thing would have almost swallowed the whole carpet if I had let it have its way! There should have been a tornado effect warning or something to the same destructible extent on its box. I read it later. I saw it, I liked what I saw, and I took it. End of story! My Georgetown girlfriend – the one who has been living without one for the last 5 years – asked me about its horsepower. Horsepower? Gosh, am I going to have to pay taxes on it? I did not read about it. I swear. Am I going to have some officials at my door demanding to see my horse powered vacuum cleaner? And then driving me nuts with the amount I will have to pay every month for having taken that monster under my roof? Is it going to be a nightmare similar to the shop that I closed over a year and a half ago, and still, every three months, I receive a letter from officials telling me that I did not report sales taxes for the last period and they threaten to do their own estimate of the sales? And on we go every three months with the same pas-de-deux: Me: “I closed my shop!” Them: “Oh you did. Let me take care of that for you.” Me: “Thank you so much!” Them: “You’re welcome!” Me: “May I have your name?” Them: “Have a good day!”

To go back to my vacuum cleaner, it’s the coolest one on the block! First, it’s like a lizard. You can peel off part of it, and it becomes this cool little thing that you can carry through the stairs. It can swallow the mutts’ hair in a second and practically screams at me: “More, more, more!” Then, when you put back the little one back into the big one, its mission is to impress the mutts! It works. I mean… almost. Most of them are taking refuge on the couches or beds (sorry Jessica for your unmade bed. Zoe decided to hide under your sheets!) The only one who stays napping in the middle of the living room is Jackson, and no, he won’t move, not even a whisker. I managed to vacuum around him. As I was expertly moving that thing around, I was keeping an eye on that snoring black thing which did not even open an eye. The only other dog who was ignoring the vacuum was Zeus, but I guess you already knew that!

I was so much into my carpet, flowers and vacuum cleaners that I did not even realize that our good old planet is under attack. So now I am all confused! You mean the Incas were totally wrong with 2012? Can we sue them? I mean, there is a difference between 2012 and 2182. Couldn’t they count or what? In 2182, an asteroid with the romantic name of “1999 RQ36” will probably have a close encounter with our good old planet and cause widespread devastation. I am confused while reading this report… I thought we were the ones devastating our good Earth. You mean it’s going to be worse than us? I don’t really buy that! Wait a minute. I just had the feeling that our good old planet is cracking a smile, waiting to recycle all of us and have a new beginning.

Iconoclastically yours,

Dominique